It’s been a tough week: the shooting at the parade, daunting new personal health information; my baby pupper got a terrible laceration and is recovering from surgery; it’s two days to the one year anniversary of my mother’s sudden and bizarre death. And February/March are haunted months in my life anyway. I have been feeling overwhelmed, that familiar “can’t get my feet underneath me” feeling looms and glowers. And then …
I had a dream that one of my favorite KC comedians (Colby Cusick) found me in the woods and gave me a heroic dose of magic mushrooms and took me to an incredible party full of artists. I was buzzing: this is not an unknown feeling in my dreams. It’s potent, it has deeper meaning. It told me I was being healed: healed through gaiety and laughter and community. And then …
We did a full 40 minute meditation in class on Thursday. And then … I talked with my best friend in Ohio about the whole mess. And then … I called my therapist. And then … I went to the Her Art/Their Art opening at ArtHouse and met the most amazing people.
Now, that doesn’t mean I get to keep eating brisket sandwiches dripping in mayo for every meal. That doesn’t mean I get to bury my head in the sand for another two years about my abnormal mammogram. It doesn’t mean I get to ignore the dog’s injury and let her romp in the woods. It doesn’t mean I don’t call my sponsor and process with my lovely therapist about death and agency and how to heal.
It means I am gifted the energy to face all the things thanks to those who surround and support me. I accepted the energy of the dream and still took one more day off to rest with Hazel. Last Friday, I worked with the financial aid department to pay for the mammo my insurance won’t. This morning, I started writing to you.
In my whirlwind, the thing I know is that each of you are going through just as much. Each person reading this has a list of daunting, injury, grief, and perhaps the looming of a loneliness, too. I pray for you today as I work for me and my health. I extend the gift of my energy into the universe so that we can all keep on keepin’ on. I make open a space to hear what’s happening for you. Reach out, tell me. I can listen. I can see you. I can help hold your pain. You are not alone.
I love you.
EVENTS:
this week:
Feels like a good week to have nothing to do!
every week:
Thursdays:
11 am Nettie teaches meditation at Inner Space Yoga, free class, 45 minutes long, register on the website to attend. or just show up, it’s all good!
Fridays:
NZ Office Hours in Studio at IUAH, 11 am - 2 pm: come talk art, dreams, sobriety, etc … get tarot readings, co-work, chatterbox.
upcoming:
Saturday, March 2:
Femme Magick Festival returns for a second year, I will be giving tarot readings all day and I will be teaching a class on doing tarot readings from 2-3 pm! bring your favorite deck and a notebook! Get tickets here.Friday March 8:
Pop up art show with Anu Moon and guests, theme: Nostalgia. Howdy, 7-9 pm
Saturday, March 9:
My Marina Abramovic Workshop experience tell-all at InterUrban Art House, FREE, register here for a space at this very special event! 6-8 pmWednesday, March 13:
DOUBLE FEATURE: Workshop and Book Release Feature at Poetic Underground
“A shame to point at the moon and see only the finger” is my new book of persona poems! I’ll be hosting a persona poems workshop from 6-7 pm (free!) and then featuring during the open mic at Poetic Underground, mic at 8, feature about 8:45.
Friday, March 15:
Her Art/Their Art closing reception at InterUrban ArtHouse, 5-8 pm
Wednesday, March 20:
Her Art/Their Art Storytelling night: come listen to nz tell one of their legendary stories! And see the wonderful exhibit at the ArtHouse.
Monday, April 1:
My 5 year sobriety anniversary and Hazel turns 1!Monday, April 8:
Total Eclipse viewing in south east MO.Thursday, April 18:
Dan Denton and Friends join Nettie Zan for a poetry reading celebrating the art exhibit “Art Heals” at the ArtHouse. More info soon!
Saturday, May 4:
Hiking in silence and fasting for 20 miles on the Katy Trail.
Friday, June 21:
6 mile swim of the Kansas River for Summer Solstice.
Thursday, August 1:
featured reading with River Cow Orchestra Jazz and Poetry event at Westport Coffeehouse, doors at 6:30 pm
check out my new website!
this is my dysfunctional blog
oh my youtube channel is full of freakish delights
Books by Nettie for purchase:
American Foursquare: 2023 novel about a house that falls in love with a church
Weird on Top: 2023 poetry book about the iconic David Lynch film, Wild at Heart
Poems for Alcoholics: 2022 poetry about my alcoholic years and recovery
Victimless Crime: 2019 novel about a woman who doesn’t know if her boyfriend is dead or alive in the bedroom.
To Grow a Hole the Size of Everything: 2017 art book collaboration with Jason Preu
I love you, Nettie.
(today's my 36th day of sobriety)
Thinking of you, my friend! I've been meaning to reach out, but have been caught up in my own whirlwind. I'm praying for your health and for healing for Hazel. 💓